I have an addiction and a theme song and only one can prevail.
Right now, it’s the addiction. I’ve been playing Farmville 2, or Tropic Escape, or now Hay Day, on my iPad since early October 2016. I can put it away for a few days and then somehow the iPad is in its sneaky little spot, hidden from all view except mine, and I’m checking my crops, making a mango daiquiri or chicken feed. When no one is looking, I’ll take a quick nip, make sure I’ve planted a new row of cotton, heartbeat racing as I hear feet coming down the stairs. Quickly close out the game, press the button so the screen goes blank, and move towards the sink so it will look like I was washing dishes the whole time (but I’m not sure anyone is really fooled).
My hand hurts. I have a repetitive strain injury from playing. Those crops can’t harvest themselves and how will I know what happens when I unlock the wharf unless I make it to level 35? Oh, all that happens is now I get a new kind of stars for making apple pie? Maybe level 40 will blow my mind, let’s wait and see. I steadfastly refuse to pay a cent to play, so all I invest is time. With time, you can achieve the same things as someone who is willing to spend $1.99 for 100 keys/gems. So, I put in the time and play “for free”.
I started playing in October 2016, at a time when life was a bit too much for me to manage and I was having trouble dealing with my thoughts. I didn’t intentionally start playing to ease myself through an overwhelming life episode, I just happened to be introduced to the game at a time when total escape from reality for periods of time was welcome and seemed helpful to my continued baseline functioning.
Then THE ELECTION happened and I didn’t know what to do with myself or which way was up. My addiction had fertile ground in which to build from one game, initially, to a new game, then to a third game, and then all three at once.
But what, you may be wondering, about the theme song?? Well, when I’m not addicted to repetitive world-building games with very little skill or thought required where I don’t even engage in the social aspects (though I did accept a friend request from Ferma Maria, so now I’m crossing linguistic borders to build agrarian allies, a stranger who sometimes purchases my extra carrots), I like to make up games to play in real life. Challenges for myself and my family. If we earn 20 stars we can get ice cream, here are the criteria, GO! I’m that kid whose parents used sticker charts to get me to brush my teeth and I just never stopped wanting those shiny gold stars.
Ah, but here’s the rub: for a large portion of my life, I was not in the driver’s seat with respect to the aforementioned stars. I have spent almost 40 years grasping for stars that others were willing to award me for doing whatever they deemed worthy. If there was a gold star to be had, I was IN. Just tell me the criteria.
Approaching 40, I had a revelation and decided that I am through getting my stars from other people. I am going to spend my days, months, years, decades (whatever I am granted) figuring out what I think has value and doggedly pursuing those stars.
Just prior to my descent into virtual pastoralism, I was starting to think about transforming myself into a superhero. That is, outlining missions for myself, accomplishing them, and giving myself a badge. A real, physical badge (not an icon) that I put somewhere and the wall of badges grows and grows.
Why a superhero? Well, when I think about Jennifer (that’s me) never ever giving another cent to those jerks at *insert Big Bank name here* (my mother has counseled me that there’s no need to single out one particular financial institution — so for now, to keep her blood pressure in check, I will omit particulars), well, I’m motivated but it never seems to take priority (forget about the game for the time being, I’m talking about my normal, non-addicted, just getting through life with all of the to-dos of a middle class, American self). But if I imagine that nefarious bandit “The Usurer” and think of myself in a battle of wits and skill with this ne’er-do-well, magically I get more energy. I feel possibility and excitement.
One morning, while thinking about becoming a superhero / finally summoning up the energy/time/focus/resources/guts/willpower to do the things that I want to do to live in the world as I imagine it can be, I was driving my kids somewhere and letting them choose songs to listen to. When it was my son’s turn he chose Come With Me Now by the Kongos and it immediately became my superhero theme song. I can’t help but believe that any morning where I get out of bed, put on my sweatpants and the shirt from the day before as long as it smells ok (my usual uniform as a stay-at-home/working mom), and listen to that song, I just think that would be a day for fighting crime, even if that crime is the amount of junk in my basement.
When I hear that song I want to DO SOMETHING. And by something I don’t mean write a report, tweet a hashtag, or redecorate a room in the house. Break some sh*t. For good. Or at least go on a binge and unsubscribe from a bunch of catalogs.
I want to stop mindlessly and passively supporting bad guys. I want to do more to find and help the good guys. I want to develop my super powers, have a super cool hideout (with appropriate super hero gear and secret weapons) where I go to make my plans.
While I sit (or usually stand, hidden in the corner of the kitchen where I have a three second warning before being caught in the act) building my farms, I often wish to myself that I was spending that time building something real. In my real life. In the real world. And here’s the thing: there are a billion things I could do today to take care of the world, my community, my family, and myself and also make life nicer all around. Some of the things are tiny and some are huge but even a huge thing is made up of lots and lots of tiny things. There are so many possibilities for taking action and making change. I love writing. I love trying new things. I love writing about trying new things. I love games. I love making up games for myself and for other people. I love thinking about how things could work and solving problems.
So here’s what I propose as a means of breaking my addiction and moving in the direction of superhero, an aspiration that is questionably ever reached by a mere mortal without a secret underground lair and lacking multiple, or even a single, millions of dollars or an advanced degree in physics: I will begin my quest and share it in this blog.
I will publish, at least once a week, and share my missions and their criteria and then report on my success, including sharing the badge that I have/have not earned. If anyone reading along is interested, he/she can earn the same badges along with me or at whatever speed he/she is capable/interested in. I’ll share quest-related essays, links to inspiring sites, songs I’m writing and other amateur artwork, info from books I’m reading, heck maybe I’ll even put in a podcast or two one day.
I retain the right to change any/all terminology as something catchy occurs to me. I retain the right to change the entire game at any point. I retain the right to disappear and never write again if I become overwhelmed. But I will try to come back if that happens.
We make the world and we make culture. And no matter who is in the White House, there is a lot an individual can do to not empower bad guys and to support good guys. There is so much possibility and so much to be hopeful about. And so much that is utterly terrifying. So today I’m going to walk away from my iPad and, like Princess Poppy in Trolls, I’m going to choose hope. But just like Princess Poppy, I can’t do it alone. You can help me by letting me know that you are reading this, that any of it makes sense to you, that you sometimes wish you could be a superhero too. If you’d like to follow along with me and my adventures, you can ask to be added to the email list to receive updates. Stay tuned, my next post will answer the question on everyone’s mind… Just who IS Jenny Goodguts?
6 thoughts on “Not holding out for a hero”
Excited to hear about the first mission and try to be a bit of a superhero (or superhero sidekick) myself!
I did read this and much of it did actually make sense to me and I am interested in following. I think it’s a great endeavor to consciously try to help support the good guys so that we can collectively have impact on reducing the power of the bad guys. I also think it’s a great endeavor and vastly important to focus on personal ambitions and goals and to not let addictions get in your way just as it’s important to not let “shoulds” get in your way or bad health habits or bad thinking habits or co-dependent tendencies or laziness, etc., etc. get in your way. (I know this list well). I am looking forward to future posts and to the adventures of Jenny Goodguts.
Sign me up! When I read the goodguts, my mind went to “eating right” so I was pleasantly surprised by the supporting the good guys task. I thought I might be learning how to plant an organic garden.
Great idea! Good luck!
My own secret missions for good…I’m in! Perhaps I can use my own idle moments (which seem far too few but are actually many enough) on additional worthy and creatively satisfying pursuits. Let’s go!
I am reading this and it makes sense to me!!! Sign me up!